Ephemeral
by KennedyTheCount
Summary: "Th-they're getting married in five hours, Itachi." The weasel licked his dry lips and inwardly cursed to himself as he tried to drown out the shrieking screams of anger from Deidara, and Hidan. "About that... Hinata, that may not happen." AU, mature content, multiple pairings.
1. Prologue

The Akatsuki goes to Las Vegas for a weekend for a bachelor party before their friend gets married. Should be no problem... right?

AU, Rated M for future chapters. Based on the movie, The Hangover.

Will contain crude comments, sexual innuendos, sexual acts, dry and/or morbid sarcasm, and minor OOC. But in later chapters of course.

Please enjoy.

The Count, Kennedy.

* * *

**Prologue****: Sweet Dangos**

"Over here, no ... not there you blithering idiots..." He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest while staring at the overly calm group of helpers. "That's right, over there. Geez, can't these people do anything right?"

The french choreographer muttered to himself in annoyance. Today was the wedding of one of his beloved friends. Everything was going well, and he wanted to keep it that way.

Hinata watched the man work from behind the window, while at the same time trying her best to ignore the constant tugging on her scalp and the thoughts that were putting her down. Her palms started to sweat in discontent as she sighed yet again, for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. It wasn't even her wedding and she was starting to get paranoid and freak out.

"Itachi..." She whispered to herself, but both the hair dresser and make up artist rose a thin eyebrow up in confusion, why would she be talking about a weasel. Hearing her cellphone ring and vibrate, while almost falling from the near by dresser, the Hyuuga abruptly sped past both ladies and manage to catch the call on the last ring.

"H-hello...-" Her greeting was cut off as Itachi's calm voice started to speak and her lilac eyes instantly darted over to the bluette on the other side of the room, Konan. The bride's eyes glazing over with worry and an abundance of thoughts. Yet besides her eyes, she never should any other emotion, but calmness.

"Are you alright, Hinata?" His voice now dry, as she only nodded, but mentally slapped herself. "Ah, y-yes... and are you?" Itachi nodded his head, birds of a feather, but she took into acceptance his quite reply, he was fine.

"How is Konan-san doing?" The female stayed quiet for a long moment, glancing over once more to see how the other bridesmaids were cracking jokes and trying to cheer her on. So Hinata decided to chose her words a little more wisely. "She believes he'll arrive on time, Itachi." The weasle grumbled and sighed in displeasure, trying to tune out the screaming and yelling voices of Deidara and Hidan in the background.

"Itachi... the wedding is in five hours. The most I c-can probably guarantee you is a-an extra thirty minutes after that."

Her nervousness got the better of her, causing for her stutter to grow back. Listening to him hiss in displeasure, she winced, imagining the anger he could have been feeling within. "Hinata ... I don't think we can achieve that at the moment." His voice starting to irritate her by how calm it was at the moment, but at the moment that meant he still had hope on finding their friend. "And w-why not, Itachi?" Now it was Itachi's turn to stay quiet and contemplate his words carefully to his wife, his eyes casting off into the azure sky and turning a crimson red.

"We can't seem to locate Pein."

Hinata held onto the nearest corner of the night stand as another hand went to her temple. The poor woman practically had a heart attack while fainting at the same time. For all she knows she could have been on the floor if the night stand wasn't there.

Konan noticed and raised a delicate eyebrow up in surprise, a small frown of worry and confusion crossing her features.

"Are you alright, Hinata?"

At that the bluette closed her cellphone shut, and mentally apologized to Itachi for being so rude and hanging up on him so fast. Turning to face Konan she laughed shyly, and oh so nervously, "Y-yes... I was just tripped over the hem of the dress." Konan stared looking at the beautiful woman in front of her, but decided not to question it.

Making her way back, she seated herself, and gave a curt apology to the two woman who just shrugged it off, and gave small smiles in return.

"Sweet mother of Dango Kami, just what the hell is happening, Itachi?!" Her mind started to contemplate many scenarios, but moments later decided against it. Her hands clasped neatly over her lap, as her thumbs started to chase each other in circles.

"And here I thought Pein would be the responsible one out of all of them, considering he is the leader and all in that group of friends." Was the last statement both of the beauties thought at the same times.

* * *

Yeah... I went there. What you going to do about it? :O

I'm just kidding, haha. Please review, I really enjoy reading them, and knowing where I can improve on.  
Thank you for reading. I really appreciate it.

The Count, Kennedy.


	2. Chapter 1

Hello everyone, I hope you are all having an amazing day. Please do enjoy your stay. And I want to thank all of those who have been leaving me reviews. I really appreciate it!

By the way, I know there maybe some commotion about the names, especially Nagato's. I prefer to call him Pein. I just hope you can all bare with me about that. Just a personal reference. Same thing with Obito. As of now it will be Tobi. If I get to part three, I'll explain why no one calls them their real names.

Sincerely,

The Count, Kennedy.

* * *

Chapter 1: Externalize

Two Days Earlier:

"Pein!" The older gentlemen didn't spare the younger one another glance and kept his gaze in the mirror, staring at his tie intently, hand in pocket.

"Pein!"

". . ."

"Pan-In?"

". . ."

"Pay-in..."

". . ."

"PEIN!"

His eyes snapped his way and quietly sighed. "Yes, Tobi, what is it?"

"Are you sure it's okay for me to go with ya' guys. You know, to Vegas and all." He muttered and shifted his upper body a little, while arching his butt back on the opposite mirror. His one eye staring at the groom's well tailored ass while Pein just shook his head in disbelief.

_"And this is suppose to be my fiance's brother? He is definitely adopted." _

"Yes Tobi, it is perfectly fine."

"But... but... Deidara thinks I'm annoying and last time I was around Hidan he tried to impale me onto a wooden stake and sacrifice me to his lord and savior, Jashin."

Pein mentally cursed himself, "_I can't even..." _Sighing he stopped looking at the boy knowing he was now behind him. "You'll be fine, I'll be there and so will Itachi if anyone happens to get out of con- TOBI!" Anger flashed across his eyes as he swiftly turned around and backhanded the boy, the same passive and controlled emotions on his face.

"STOP TOUCHING MY ASS!"

Tobi just laughed nervously, and scratched the back of his unruly dark locks. A bump started to form in that area as he showed him a pair of keys. Pein studied them for a second and swiftly grabbed them from his hand.

Fallowing the younger one around the large mansion, until they came to a stop, Pein, came to the simple conclusion that no matter how much of an idiot and spoiled brat he was, the kid had good taste in cars.

His eyes trailed over every edge of the car as if it were his own, inspecting it for a split second to see if there was anything wrong with it. In pristine condition, the 1993 Land Rover Defender 110 was parked in front of him in all it's glory. This made him almost gush about it, _almost_. And she was beautiful.

Leather interior.

Tinted windows.

Bullet proof glass.

Comfortable seating for nine passengers with four side facing rear seats and seat belts.

Four door, and with a built in mini refrigerator and poker table.

"The catch?"

Tobi swayed his weight from foot to foot and chuckled nervously. "Sorry Pein, but only you can drive it. In extreme cases, maybe Itachi. " The brunet could hear his friend's hand clench to a tight fist and scurried away to the other side of the car, knowing full well how much Pein hated to drive, but it was for a reason. Jiraiya only trusted him at the moment.

It was just a happy insurance for the old man.

Pein pinched the bridge of his nose and mentally cursed the day a drunk Hidan and Deidara felt like saying it would be good to drive to Vegas together... In one car.

And everyone actually fucking agreed.

Tobi fixed his mask, ever so slightly and started to skip back to the room, ready to change out of his flamboyant pink buttoned shirt.

Pein just shook his head and started to fallow him, "Let's hurry up, we have to pick up Itachi and then everyone else."

Tobi just nodded in a girly manner.

Gave some suggestive winks.

And slowly started to unbutton his shirt on their way back to the closet room.

It was only then, that Pein also realized how much patience he truly held within.

* * *

"Ah... Itachi, could you please pass-" Hinata stopped her statement midway through when her lilac hues stared over at obsidian ones. A small smile appeared on her soft features as she carried the young boy in one arm, grabbing the wet paper towel in another. "Thank you." As Itachi only gave a curt not in response, his body leaning forward against the kitchen granite counter top.

"Hinata..."

"Yes, Itachi?" Her eyes never wavering away from her child's face. The young boy's face covered in powdered sugar from the dangos his father had previously bought that same morning.

If she were actually to think about it, the more she stared at the young child, the more he looked like his father, but with a sweeter face, and her hair color.

"Itachi?"

Right as she turned around to see why he hadn't replied to her, she practically had a heart attack seeing how close to her he had been. Right behind her, watching her with his usual warm and loving gaze.

Before she could say anything, eyes widen in realization. Feeling his lips on top of hers, Hinata couldn't contain the smile. Only for them to receive a disgusted look from their son, as he attempted to cover his eyes with one tiny hand, and separate them with another.

"Mommy is mwine, Daddy..."

He hugged his mother tightly as he buried his sugar powdered face to the crook of her neck, only getting a small smile from Itachi and chuckle from Hinata.

"Yes, you are right my dear son, Hanzo."

Hinata ran her fingers through his hair as she watched Itachi walk to the other side of the kitchen and come back with a solid black suitcase.

"Hinata... I-"

"It's okay Itachi. I want you to have fun with the guys. It's been a while since you've all hung out together."

Itachi's eyes never wavered from her lilac ones.

"Hai... Hinata. I just don't like to leave you alone."

"You won't. Neji nii-san will be here in about an hour and then the next day we'll head over. He'll be driving. If I'm correct I heard he's also bringing Ten Ten." Hinata sat the child down on the carpet floor in the play area and patted off the invisible wrinkles from her long skirt.

Nodding in content, he knew his wife would be in good hands. Neji wasn't a prodigy for nothing, maybe not as good as he himself, but it would do. And the weapons mistress was also quite capable herself. Crossing his arms over his chest he glanced out the bay windows to see a car pull up on their driveway.

Lazily strolling over, he opened the door and watched as Pein dragged himself out of the drivers seat. A hand swiftly covered the Uchiha's face in an attempt to contain his laughter.

_"No... way."_

The two males made eye contact, as Itachi instantly turned around, his form shaking from the controlled laughter. Pein said nothing and just fallowed Itachi inside their well adorned house, a scowl upon his features, fingers outstretched.

In the background Tobi was poking his fingers together, a crooked smile of stupidity hidden behind his mask.

Hinata watched the scene unfold in front of her, a shy smile taking over, her hands fiddling with some cups to pour tea into them. "H-hello..." Even though the Hyuuga's heiress speech problem was solved around Itachi, while it came to others, it still needed a lot of practice.

Tobi just twirled Hinata in his arms, a fit of laughter erupted from his form, as Itachi made a mental note to dump his body in Tokyo Bay if he were to ever go back to Japan. Pein on the other hand just stared and gave a curt nod of acknowledgement. Hinata bowed, ignoring the light tension the rose.

Itachi coughed into a closed fist, closing his eyes. "Hinata... I'll meet with you soon. Stay safe." He admitted and went to retrieve his luggage.

"Glad to see you are healthy."

"Likewise, Pein-san."

"How is Hanzo?"

"Healthy." Her voice ice cream sweet, at that Tobi noticed his presence wasn't valued at this exact moment and skipped out and into the large car. Itachi only came back seconds later with Hanzo in his arms, and gave his wife a kiss on the lips, to which she happily returned. Her free hand waved at them as she wished them a pleasant trip and closed the door softly on their retreating form, a still dirty Hanzo crying into her shoulder.

The moment both Itachi and Pein sat themselves in the front seats, the red head sighed in relief. "Is she still mad, Itachi?"

"Not as much."

"She can't let it go, hm?"

"You did try to kill her."

"So did you."

The males locked eyes for a moment, only to stare at the empty street in front of them.

"Yes, but that was six years ago."

"Six years not long enou-"

"Hey guys, who we picking up next?" Tobi interrupted as he started to play Pearl Dash on his phone, cutting the tension by half with his happy go lucky personality.

None of the older gentlemen in the front replied to him as Tobi just pouted.

* * *

"The fuck is that?"

The red head rose a thin eyebrow up.

"The fuck is this?"

She pointed to the duffel bag that looked like it had a dead body in it.

Deidara just ignored the woman in front of him as he tried not to pluck every single one of his blond hairs out. He never thought that in a million years he'd want to jump out the window, and in case he lived through it all, bomb the fuck out of himself.

"Clothes, un. What did ya' think it would be?"

"Dead bodies. I don't fucking know, you're also going to be with Hidan. For all I know, it could be for him."

Tayuya shrugged, lazily plopping down and fixing her v neck shirt, trying to satisfy her curiosity onto what the guys would be doing in the long run.

"So Vegas, huh? You better not fuck any of those woman."

Deidara groaned, her lack of manners when it came to her rage and jealousy really stood out. She had this singer punk look that made most men turn heads to look at her; long silky magenta hair, and cold chocolate brown eyes that had sealed the deal for him when they first met. But that was until she opened her mouth.

Her and Hidan weren't cousins for nothing.

"I won't, un. Do you promise to behave while I'm gone, mm?" He smirked knowing full well he had made her remember the great sex they had the night before, and also turn several shades of red.

Their _sweet_ moment was interrupted as an impatient and moody Sasori strolled in.

"Why aren't they here yet?"

The couple sighed and gave the other red head an annoyed look.

"I don't know, Sasori. Why don't you get one of your puppet pals to call them?"

Sasori frowned, dropped his suit case to the floor, and scratched the back of his head. "_Useless, all these people are useless. They have one job... one. To drive and pick us up._" Sighing he lazily glanced through them and out the third story window.

"Who's driving?"

"The hell, un? Does it look like I can predict the future? I just explode shit for the Curiosity Channel, un." He finished packing and walked over towards him.

"Maybe Itachi is driving?"

At that, Tayuya prayed open her Mango laptop, and started to surf the internet, instantly clicking on Instagram. "Maybe it's Pein?" She mused below a whisper.

"Pein doesn't drive." Both males simply stated, while trying their hardest to not let a chuckle pass their lips.

"Well, you better fucking check this out then." Turning the laptop towards them, they hastly walked over, raising eyebrows at what they saw.

In all it's glory there was Tobi in the back seat of a car, winky face and all, with Itachi in the front holding onto his seat belt, and Pein's scared face in the drivers seat. Caption: "They see me rollin' they hatin'..." And the hashtags: #car #yolo #vegas #thatbooty.

Tayuya burst into laughter as Deidara covered his mouth with a bandaged hand, his bangs covering his face.

Meanwhile Sasori stared at the online photo with a cruel look on his face. "_This has to be some twisted joke, correct?_" Flipping open his phone, he quickly dialed Itachi's number to only find the line busy. Before he could go back into his little mind to curse everyone off, the front door was kicked open, Pein's body shaking lightly. Almost as the fifteen minute drive over was starting to tax on his body.

"Ya' okay there, buddy?" Tayuya smirked, standing up and not even caring her door had flung down to the floor.

Pein simply sighed, ignoring her. "Let's go. Kakuzu is dieing of boredom in Hidan's Church."

"I'm surprised that asshole can call his _Jashin _a God. Never the less his acts a fucking religion." At that, all the males mentally agreed. Some were surprised he hadn't been arrested and sent to jail for the rest of eternity for the crimes he had committed. But then again, they really weren't that surprised. It was all thanks to Kakuzu. Childhood friend of Hidan.

Whatever they wanted, they got it. Sooner or later. They were men of little faith with machivalian rules, and stretched out ones at that.

"Well, I'll see ya' later at the wedding in a few days, un." The blond stated to his lover, giving her a swift kiss on the lips and fallowing behind the other red heads, the duffel bag still folding as if it were a small dead body. At that moment, Tayuya gave a lazy wave as she muttered,

"Trash..."

And stared at the door on the ground, mocking her existence with silent remarks. Kicking it, she sighed and took of her black beanie, making a mental note to get a new one and call Sakon or Ukon to help out with the door.

* * *

Deidara whistled for a long moment, secretly admiring the car, almost cursing Itachi to hell and back for having the money to buy it.

Pein watched the blond with slight interest and got settled in the drivers seat. "Sorry to disappoint you, Deidara, but It's Jiraiya's. He lent it to Tobi, but is only letting _me_ drive it." Catching the drift, Itachi inwardly snorted and slightly rolled his eyes, knowing full well what Deidara had been thinking.

Deidara scoffed and flung the duffel bag in the back of the car, stashing some rum and liquor in the mini fridge.

"I don't even want to know what that old pervert did in this car, especially since its in such good condition, un."

His scanned every cook and cranny, almost as if trying to find the problem in it. Scooting to the last row, he leaned his upper body back on one of the seats, and placed his dirty feet on the poker table, earning himself a glare from Pein, and a curios look from Tobi who sat in the left side of the middle row.

Pein started the car, and drove off the apartment complex.

"At least the windows are tinted." Sasori mumbled more to himself and sat by the other window seat in the middle row, making sure to be weary of Tobi, just in case he would take any photos.

"And where is this church, Hidan has?" At that Deidara barked a laugh, and Itachi replied after a sigh, "You can't miss it. When you see a building that looks a lot like the Westpopo Baptist Church and a drug dealer in every corner, you've found it. But if you pass the Hana Kimi all boy's school, then you've gone too far."

Sasori mentally faced palmed, as he attempted to put on his seat belt, but it was all too late. He heard Pein yell out, "SWERVE!" And the next thing he knew, his head had smashed to the glass, Tobi shrieked like a little girl, and Deidara's ass was in the air, opposite of where he was sitting.

"The hell was that for, un?!"

"There was a mother duckling crossing the street with her chicks fallowing behind. I wasn't going to run her ov-

"The fuck I care! I almost broke my hip, un!

The thing that nerved the red head the most was the passive look on Itachi's face, as if he had to deal with this on a daily occurrence, and the serious tone in Pein's voice when he said those words. "_A duck... I can't even. The man is driving at fifteen miles an hour. How did he even manage to do that to the car so fast. No wonder nobody likes your God damned driving, Pein!_"

"On a brighter note, we-we're almost there guys!" Tobi chirped happily. Trying to low the tension in the car. His hands pressed against the glass window staring at the shota's passing by, making their way down town, walking fast, faces pass as they look home bound.

And before they knew it, they had arrived at the rachetty-ass church, much faster than he had hoped, at least to Sasori's dismay. The moment Pein parked the car, nobody left to get out. A dead silence filled the small vehicle.

Tobi poked his fingers together and giggled like a school girl. "Maybe he's playing dress up?"

The only thing that came to Deidara's mind when Tobi spoke those words was some kinky BDSM type of maid roleplay with a really "_moe _" whore from the streets around here.

"Yup, that sounds like something Hidan would do alright, un." And twirled his hair in between his index and middle finger generously.

Before Itachi could suggest anything, again, out of the two front doors Hidan stepped out, two bitches on either side. They couldn't hear what he was telling them, but they didn't have too. The ladies were too shit faced to even care, either.

Rolling down his window, Pein gave a light wave of his hand, and sent him a smirk, to only receive back a maniacal laugh as he slapped all of the ladies asses. An action meant as a farewell gift. "Yeah yeah, coming coming!" He shouted over, taking out a half lit cig, and lighting it again, the smirk never receding, kicking the door open once more.

A tired Kakuzu appeared, running long digits through onyx strands and sighing. Emerald hues glaring away as he pinched the bridge of his nose. The man looked like the epitome of a mafia boss, except leaner, with a more regal appeal. As for Hidan, a lecherous pervert, but with a brain.

Despite their presence, they were men. And well off ones with intelligence.

Finishing the cig, and not even bothering to close the door behind them locked, he gave a deep chuckle. "Let's fucking get this shit started, motherfuckers!" A gave a howl to the air.

Kakuzu glanced away, how they were all friends was beyond him.

"Let's go, Hidan."

And with simple words, both men boarded the last row of the car, Hidan whistling in admiration. "Dang, Itachi you fucking weasel. You really now how to get shit done, huh?"

The Uchiha could feel his left eyebrow twitch, Deidara just tried to hold another laugh in, having a field day with his remark.

"It's mine, Hidan." Tobi mumbled, causing for the silver haired man to rose an eyebrow and mumble, "Ew, how the fuck did that shit stain get this?" And plopped his feet on the poker table, Pein shooting him a glare.

"Hmm... Mahogany..." Was all Kakuzu mention, and flipped out a deck of cards from his sleeve. "Anybody want to play... you know... for keeps?"

He slyly mentioned and started to shuffle. Hidan scoffed, this time his turn to roll his eyes.

"Bullshit, you bag of fucking lies. You'll probably end up stealing everyones ID's and shit, and selling it on Quagmire's List for fucking sakes!"

All the men mentally nodded in agreement. The same amount of interest Hidan had in woman, so did Kakuzu, but in money. The older gentlement stared with a bored expression and scuffed. "Suit yourself. It would have been great practice, before he party really got started."

Another thing the men also agreed in. With Kakuzu there would always be trouble.

"Here..."

A die was flung over his way as Sasori closed his eyes.

Kakuzu inspected it, smirking in satisfaction. "My, you really out did yourself this time Sasori, hm.." Sasori stayed quite and examined his perfectly manicured nails, and then at the cars that were speeding past them.

"Do we also have to pick up Kisami-kun?" All ears perked up at Tobi's question. He did have a valid point. "No." Replied Itachi swiftly.

"He's already at the Hotel signing in. We have the penthouse."

Shouts of glory filled the air as Deidara, Hidan, and Tobi cheered and shouted in joy. And a long stream of curses and profanity also fallowed suit. Meanwhile Kakuzu swiftly opened the mini fridge and pulled a beer out, chugging it down in less than half a mili second, to only drop it and get another.

Pein just kept his eyes on alert at the wheel at all times, his tense face still on. Itachi could only shake his head in disagreement.

And to all of this, Sasori flipped open his phone again and updated his Twitter to: "Wolf pack? I think not. The Akatsuki is back." #someonefuckinggetmeoutofhere #Imgoingto #taxidermythesebitches #car #innerpeace

* * *

Deidara always has his sassy pants on, while Sasori is one of the most sane ones.

I hope you all enjoy it. -Gives a soft smile.-

And I don't mean to offend anyone with this chapter, I know there are a lot of references, from churches to laptops. It's all jokes and every character and storyline belongs to their rightfull owner.

Please leave reviews, I do enjoy reading them, and sometimes I do reply back. I appreciate everything the reader is capable of doing for my stories. Stay healthy.


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